if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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