You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
