He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
