Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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