Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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