DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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