Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
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So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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