My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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