I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
