Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
