You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
