How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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