tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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