i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
