So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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