i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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