If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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