I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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