a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
