My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish they made helmets for livers.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
