just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
