Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
