I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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