can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
