He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
