Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You are the jesus of drinking
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
