hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
