I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
