So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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