That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
