Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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