if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize