I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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