So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
love makes seman taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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