I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
