the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
