Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
50% drunk capacity currently
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
