She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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