just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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