Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
