The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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