Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
