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You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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