Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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