Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We're too hungover to prance.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
