Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.