No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.