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So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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