i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
