can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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