community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
