I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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