Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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