don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
