just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
