We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
