what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
