got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
