so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
