her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
