Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
