im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We left the knife in your bed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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