hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
