i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
