Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
