My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
