At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You can't just leave with hair like that
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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