You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
