just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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