She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
