I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
