Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
