Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I want a musical about memes.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
